Pretty simple question.
Answer? Oh, so very complicated.
The kids ended school with anticipation of summer camps, vacation, time with friends and family. After Samantha arrived home from her first camp, our summer continued as the past seven have...Vacation to Hilton Head Island. It's a comfortable vacation, one that my husband and children love so very much. The weather was hot. The company was fun. The island was beautiful. We took a few new side trips, rode our bikes in my continued preparation for the Pelotonia 2010, and laughed until our sides hurt. It was another wonderful trip to a place that I can honestly see as a destination for retirement.
Short trips to visit parents, Samantha camping, training, softball, basketball, more bike rides and more laughter took us through July then the roller coaster started its downward plunge.
"Umm, are you the one that knows the Rieser family?" Those words scrolled across my phone as a text. I replied yes, wondering who needed body work done on their car and how could I help? The phone then rang. My friend spent the next minute or so trying to find the words to tell me that a dear family friend lost his son in a tragic car accident. I cannot or probably will not ever be able to express that feeling at that exact moment that she told me that Jordan had died, at age 21, after spending the day with his family. I still cry. I still wonder. I was able to attend the funeral and what I took from that day has made me realize that we have this amazing opportunity to "make the room a better place." What will my legacy be? During the service, my friend stood and spoke of his son and how he always left the room a better place and he proceeded to share with us stories filled with such laughter and joy. We learned how to hug during the funeral and spent several minutes hugging friends, strangers and realizing that we all need to take a moment to love. I strive to do this daily. Especially the hugging part! I am changed due to the death of Jordan Rieser. I will strive to carry on his legacy.
Unfortunately, that was not the only death that my family endured this summer. This next is still very raw and unimaginable. 3 a.m. the phone rang. Really, no call at that hour will be filled with flowers and giggles. As expected, the voice on the other end shared her story...she's crying, hysterical and I cannot quite figure out the mumbled words through the sobs. Ryan's sister is the voice on the other end. She is trying to tell me that her husband committed suicide, that he was dead, that she was standing over the body as she is trying to figure out what happened, why it happened, what is she to do, where is her family, what, what, what??????? I am speechless. I ask God instantly to speak for me and I manage to say to her to try and breathe. She settles enough to proceed with the story that she is standing over his body waiting for the ambulance and the coroner because the gunshot was fatal. Her husband, the father of Mark, Morgan, Ben and friend to many has chosen to end his life.
It is still such a blur to me. I saw him in June at his step-daughter's graduation party. He seemed better. He seemed at peace with his pain and his demeanor was still shy but he laughed with me. We shared stories of the kids and he was so proud of Morgan and her success in high school, her decision to go to college, her choice in a boyfriend, and he continued to brag about Mark and Ben. He still had sadness in his eyes but the pain wasn't as raw. We left the party, happy that we were a part of it and I think we took a deep breath for our family members as they all looked to be doing well. I can still hear the phone ring and if I think about it too much...if I think about it too much I could get sick, I shutter, I cry. My dear sister-in-law. Oh, how I could take the pain away from her yet I cannot. I wish I could get her out of bed and shake the cobwebs out of her head and assure her that it really wasn't her fault, or Morgan's or Mark's or Ben's. He was sick, more so than any one of us realized. Oh, how sorry I am. I don't understand. I just know that I love my family and I continue to pray for them and that they someday find peace.
The summer rolled on and so did Ryan and I on our bikes. Ryan helped train me for Pelotonia 2010. I continued to solicit donations for cancer research and raised just over $1500.00 towards finding a cure! Thrilled and challenged, I decided to drop the goal of 43 miles and go for 60. I knew it would be hard but proceeded to pray for strength for the journey.
Opening ceremonies were amazing, emotionally stirring and HOT! I was nervous and anxious for the next day not really knowing what was in store for the riders. We started off Saturday morning, my bag filled with names from my donors of people they wanted me to ride for, and a smile on my face. I met up with The Hsu family and my friend Jill. Riding through downtown Columbus, escorted by police, roads shut sown, people cheering. I had no idea what was next. A few rest stops, some water, pretzels and encouraging other cyclists as we hit our 43 mile mark made for a wonderful first leg of my journey. My husband and wonderful kids were at Amanda Clearcreek, with signs and hugs and kisses and encouragement and high-fives and, and, and.... And I rode. I summed up my experience in an email to my friends....
Ended up doing 88 miles (previous farthest mileage was 51). So many reasons why I kept riding.
I had at least 40 names in my bag from my donors, names of people who lost their battle against cancer. I rode for them.
Secondly, Chris Spielman got me so fired up Friday night at the opening ceremonies. Thought I was going to tackle the next person I saw after his pep talk! Thankfully, it was my husband!
And the third reason I continued to ride was for Michelle Kazlausky, the rider who lost her life raising money for cancer research. I passed the accident and knew that it was fatal. I hit the next hill and body cramped, ended up on the oncoming traffic side of the road. Two cyclists met me and helped me off my bike, get on the right side of the road and proceeded to confirm my initial thought of her death. I wept. I sobbed. I was ready to throw in the towel. And then I got kicked in the butt. Stefanie Spielman would still have ridden. Michelle would have continued to ride. God opened up a little window for me to see some of the names of the people in my bag that would have wanted to ride and not take another dose of chemo, radiation, etc.
So I rode. I was cheered on by people holding signs, cheering us on and reminding us that we were riding for them. I rode in honor of the survivors, the heroes, for Michelle and for the countless number of people who are battling today. I rode.
Friends, I cannot begin to tell you the physical and emotional toll that this ride had on me but it was so worth it. I thank you so much for your financial support, your e-mails, your laughter and your prayers. I am blessed to have you in my life and to call you friend.
I had at least 40 names in my bag from my donors, names of people who lost their battle against cancer. I rode for them.
Secondly, Chris Spielman got me so fired up Friday night at the opening ceremonies. Thought I was going to tackle the next person I saw after his pep talk! Thankfully, it was my husband!
And the third reason I continued to ride was for Michelle Kazlausky, the rider who lost her life raising money for cancer research. I passed the accident and knew that it was fatal. I hit the next hill and body cramped, ended up on the oncoming traffic side of the road. Two cyclists met me and helped me off my bike, get on the right side of the road and proceeded to confirm my initial thought of her death. I wept. I sobbed. I was ready to throw in the towel. And then I got kicked in the butt. Stefanie Spielman would still have ridden. Michelle would have continued to ride. God opened up a little window for me to see some of the names of the people in my bag that would have wanted to ride and not take another dose of chemo, radiation, etc.
So I rode. I was cheered on by people holding signs, cheering us on and reminding us that we were riding for them. I rode in honor of the survivors, the heroes, for Michelle and for the countless number of people who are battling today. I rode.
Friends, I cannot begin to tell you the physical and emotional toll that this ride had on me but it was so worth it. I thank you so much for your financial support, your e-mails, your laughter and your prayers. I am blessed to have you in my life and to call you friend.
Another death. I was able to attend the funeral for Michelle Kazlausky. I never met her but yet felt compelled to be a part of the procession of over 300 cyclists that rode in her honor...a ride of silence, of remembrance and of thanksgiving. None of us knew her but realized that it could have been any one of us.
So, now school has started and we are already in the throngs of homework, reading soccer practice and volleyball, too. I am thankful to be in a routine and that Fall is just around the corner. It has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride this summer yet I am looking forward to what God has in store for our family next.
So, now school has started and we are already in the throngs of homework, reading soccer practice and volleyball, too. I am thankful to be in a routine and that Fall is just around the corner. It has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride this summer yet I am looking forward to what God has in store for our family next.
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