43. On the brink of (gulp) middle-age?

In a couple of weeks I will be turning 43. My parents baby. My brothers little sister. Me. I will be turning 43 and I think that is officially middle-aged.

I am not depressed about that number. And I really wish I were like those ladies you see on t.v. where they become a warrior and go out and break all kinds of physical feats at "this age." I don't think that's me.

But, I am not at the other end of the spectrum where I become so pensive that my existence is questioned or I need to be in a psych ward. No, that's not me either.

Who am I? Where do I stand at age 43? I think that and hope that I am right in the middle.

Physically? Physically I am becoming stronger at cycling and I actually look forward to the long rides. Not the long, arduous, hilly, can't catch my breath rides, but long rides where I see other people, don't fight with cars, but see a challenge in the rolling trail.

I like to walk, I am remembering that I like to swim, I like to play softball and may even pick up the basketball this fall to see if this old body can still hit "the three."

Mentally/emotionally? Hmmmm. I also think I am right in the middle. I shed some tears wondering what kind of legacy I am leaving? Am I doing the work that God has designed for me? Could I be doing more? Should I be doing more? Am I helping to "Train my children in the way they should go?" Am I being the best wife to my husband? Or the best friend that I can be?

I thought about this while spending some time with my husband this morning. What brought it on is that my mom just celebrated her 79th birthday. She shared with me that she is wondering if this is her last year on earth. I shared with Ryan that I know that I will get the call one day telling me that my parents are gone. And that thought makes me sad.

I have always wanted to please my parents and if you know me, I really want to please everyone. This includes the cashier at the checkout, the mailman, just about everybody that I come in contact with. I hope that I have made my parents proud but there are many choices that I have made that disappointed them.

But now, at 43, is there anything that I would change looking forward to the second half of my life? I pray that God will show me those areas. The areas that will make my legacy one that is worth something for my husband, children, grandchildren. I pray that becoming middle-aged doesn't make me face a crisis but rather I will enter it with poise, ease and grace.

I love this life that God has blessed me with and I do welcome you 43. I welcome you with a smile!